MW My brother refuses to sell our family's $150K lake house, yet I pay all the bills. Do I push it and risk ruining our relationship?
By Quentin Fottrell
'I have no intention of going back to the lake house'
"He has been a well-paid corporate lawyer and certainly does not need the money." (Photo subject is a model.)
Dear Quentin,
I am having a long-standing issue with my brother. My father passed away 14 years ago and made my brother the trustee. Almost all of the possessions have been distributed; however, the estate still owns a small lake house and $100,000 in cash.
I have mentioned to my brother that I have no interest in the lake house. He visits it maybe five to 10 times a year. It is by no means an extravagant property and is worth approximately $125,000-$150,000 according to Zillow (Z).
I have no intention of going back to the lake house, yet he expects me to pay for upkeep and taxes. While I am not financially stressed, I would like to receive my share of the proceeds and perhaps take a nice trip or two with my kids while I'm still able.
For context, my father lived in Missouri. I live out West, and my brother lives in Chicago. I do not know how to get this moving. I have discussed it with him several times, but nothing comes of it. He has been a well-paid corporate lawyer and certainly does not need the money.
I worked part-time as a doctor to raise my kids, so I'm not desperate for the money either. My concern is that if I pursue this legally, after 14 years, our relationship would likely be destroyed. I've seen this happen in both my family and among friends.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
Frustrated Sibling
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.
Related: My husband plans to leave his estate to his adult son, who steals his credit card to gamble online. What can I do?
Your brother isn't just a co-owner or heir, he's also the trustee, which means he has fiduciary duties to the beneficiaries.
Dear Frustrated,
The cost of your relationship is roughly $75,000, half the value of your family's lakehouse. However, by your own account, your relationship is also dependent on maintaining this lake house and not causing any ripples (excuse the pun). And the price of your relationship with yourself and your own needs and wants? Speaking up.
So you have a choice to make and the one I believe you should make is the one that upholds your own wishes and needs, not those of your brother. If he is a corporate lawyer, he has the means to buy you out. If he does not, you have the means to file a partition action to force the sale of the home through the courts.
Your brother isn't just a co-owner or heir, he's also the trustee. Similar to an executor, this means he has fiduciary duties to the beneficiaries, including administering the estate in a timely manner, avoiding self-dealing and treating all beneficiaries fairly and equally. Crucially, this is a legal issue as well as a financial and familial one.
An estate that has remained open for 14 years while still holding liquid assets and real property is not exactly typical, and calling your brother out on this firmly and politely - especially given that he himself is a corporate lawyer - matters because it adds credibility to your position and gives you important leverage to resolve this stalemate.
If your goal is to resolve this with minimal damage, express a desire to wrap this up fairly and calmly and equitably. Point out the imbalance and the legal issue. Either he buys you out at an agreed valuation, the property is sold on the open market, or your brother as trustee employs an independent mediator or estate attorney to bring the issue to a close.
A face-to-face conversation
What do you do now? Face to face. Or FaceTime. Or on the phone, but not via text message or email. Too many people rely on text messages and emails as a way of dealing with difficult and awkward conversations. It may be tempting, given that you don't live in the same state, but it's time to give him a choice: "I'm not paying the taxes anymore. Buy me out or we force a sale."
The underlying issue here is whether a relationship is worth having if it's dependent on you doing what the other party wants. Is that a relationship worth having? Yes, if it's your brother. No, if it's your brother. There comes a time in life when it's important to shed the patterns of the past and stand by your own beliefs and principles.
One of your principles appears to be, "Why should I pay for a property that I no longer wish to own?" Why, indeed. It's all the more egregious given that you have (1) expressed your wish to sell and (2) rarely/never visit the property. It almost feels like some kind of test, where you are forced to sublimate your wishes and, perhaps, your self respect.
You don't have to say all of this to your brother, of course, just tell him it's your way or the highway for this lake house. No one should be cajoled into paying for a property that they never use and no longer wish to own. If that is the price of your relationship with your brother, that's a price tag he has put on your relationship, not you.
Finally, set a reasonable timeline to resolve this matter and be very clear that if a decision cannot be reached by that deadline, you will seek outside help to resolve it. He may be surprised to see the "new you," a person who stands up for themselves and takes control. The sooner you resolve this issue, the sooner you can move on with your life.
Your brother may or may not be part of that future. The choice is his.
Don't miss: 'It's my money': My $800K inheritance is paying for a $1.6 million house. Shouldn't I decide where my husband and I live?
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Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:
2025 has been one hell of a year. Consumers should expect more 'silent pain' in 2026.
'The house has quadrupled in value': I bought a house with my brother, but he did not contribute. How do I fix this?
My sister is buying our parents' $3 million house, but wants to deduct $100K for renovations. Who's right?
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-Quentin Fottrell
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February 06, 2026 06:15 ET (11:15 GMT)
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